MIDNIGHT thoughts!

Ok, why I am still awake this time of night. Huh, simply because there's so much chaos going in my mind. I want to bring them all out and let them go. Past is past anyway. My past is only an image that keeps on playing around my mind. It seems like it never happened...

What am I thinking??? I don't know REALLY. My thoughts are always DISORGANIZED. Im STRESSED and I hate it.

A while ago, I realized that the people I am with now are not my age. If I am not with kids, I am with people much older than me. I don't have a friend of my age who would really think the same way as me. Whom I can share my thoughts and just talk about life the way a 21 year old person views life.

Someone have told me also that she will introduced me to a 40+ year old man who is looking for a girlfriend, maybe I might be interested with him and I said NO! I don't like to have a boyfriend yet. All I want now is to be with my family and enjoy each moment that I am with them.

Until now, I am always thinking of going back in the Philippines. My life is much happier in there. I don't really need much money as long that I am not having a headache thinking what will be good for other people and not for me. I admit, I need money for my daily expenses, to help my mother and to save for my future plans of going back in the Philippines.

Ok, I appreciate when people tell me that I have to prepare for my future. To save for it but I don't want to sacrifice my happiness today for tomorrow. I just want to live each day of my life because what if tomorrow will never come then I have just wasted today.

I am happy with my job as a baby sitter. I enjoy being with kids because kids only knows to have fun and I feel like I am a child again when I am with them. Kids seem to have no problems at all. And I am already earning money and I can buy the things I want. I am able to help my mother too. But then there's still this something that I am looking for and money can never buy it.

I know what I really want in my life, I just want to be HAPPY. To be with people who makes me happy and I will be contented with that. But everytime I will tell other people about me going back in the Philippines, they will say, you are lucky that you are here now, a lot of people are dying to come here and now that you are here, you just want to go back. Well, I am not other people, this is me. This is my life, what I want to do with my life is different from what other people want to do with their life. If only I have the courage to really go on with my life the way I wanted it to be then I will never get stressed and I will be a much happier person. If ONLY...

Well I guess, as of now, I should learn how to enjoy the life I have for the moment and to cherish each day of my life. Because when tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever and in it's place is something that I leave behind.

Got my new Camera!!!

I'm happy to have my own camera now and here are some of the pictures that I have taken. I am just a amateur photographer and this photos were taken while I am in the car. These places are around the Mornington Peninsula, Melbourne...

I love taking pictures, and just looking at them when I feel lonely and when I am bored...