Ok, why I am still awake this time of night. Huh, simply because there's so much chaos going in my mind. I want to bring them all out and let them go. Past is past anyway. My past is only an image that keeps on playing around my mind. It seems like it never happened...
What am I thinking??? I don't know REALLY. My thoughts are always DISORGANIZED. Im STRESSED and I hate it.
A while ago, I realized that the people I am with now are not my age. If I am not with kids, I am with people much older than me. I don't have a friend of my age who would really think the same way as me. Whom I can share my thoughts and just talk about life the way a 21 year old person views life.
Someone have told me also that she will introduced me to a 40+ year old man who is looking for a girlfriend, maybe I might be interested with him and I said NO! I don't like to have a boyfriend yet. All I want now is to be with my family and enjoy each moment that I am with them.
Until now, I am always thinking of going back in the Philippines. My life is much happier in there. I don't really need much money as long that I am not having a headache thinking what will be good for other people and not for me. I admit, I need money for my daily expenses, to help my mother and to save for my future plans of going back in the Philippines.
Ok, I appreciate when people tell me that I have to prepare for my future. To save for it but I don't want to sacrifice my happiness today for tomorrow. I just want to live each day of my life because what if tomorrow will never come then I have just wasted today.
I am happy with my job as a baby sitter. I enjoy being with kids because kids only knows to have fun and I feel like I am a child again when I am with them. Kids seem to have no problems at all. And I am already earning money and I can buy the things I want. I am able to help my mother too. But then there's still this something that I am looking for and money can never buy it.
I know what I really want in my life, I just want to be HAPPY. To be with people who makes me happy and I will be contented with that. But everytime I will tell other people about me going back in the Philippines, they will say, you are lucky that you are here now, a lot of people are dying to come here and now that you are here, you just want to go back. Well, I am not other people, this is me. This is my life, what I want to do with my life is different from what other people want to do with their life. If only I have the courage to really go on with my life the way I wanted it to be then I will never get stressed and I will be a much happier person. If ONLY...
Well I guess, as of now, I should learn how to enjoy the life I have for the moment and to cherish each day of my life. Because when tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever and in it's place is something that I leave behind.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
MIDNIGHT thoughts!
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7 comments:
hi, I'm from mylot :) ..just visiting your blog! which part of aussie are you at?
hi there!hmmm magtatagalog na po ako ha..di ako magaling sa english eh... pinay ka din naman po eh...
nalungkot naman ako sa post mo, siguro naramdaman ko yun kalungkutan mo dala ng pagkakawalay mo sa mga taong mahal mo at nagpapasaya sayo... pero siguro kaya ka nandyan, hindi para malungkot at mag-isa, kundi para mas maging masaya pa...kung masaya kang kasama ang mga taong mahal mo, mas magiging masaya ka na nakikita silang masaya dahil sa mga ginagawa mo para sa kanila...tulad ng sinabi mo, na pwdeng wala nang bukas, paano kung bukas wala ka nang magawa para sa mga mahal mo, hindi ba higit kang malulungkot kung mangyayari yun...oo, malungkot mag-isa ngunit mas malungkot kung makikita mo na malungkot ang mga taong mahal mo..sigurado naman ako na malayo ka man sa kanila, sa puso ng bawat isa sa inyo ay magkakasama kayo!
mali yun last statement ko...ito dapat yun, sigurado naman kahit na malayo ka sa kanila, sa puso ng bawat isa sa inyo ay magkakasama kayo! god bless!
hi mekurukito..thanks for visiting my blog...i'm here at Melbourne...
hi babybluebellebj...thanks for all those heartwarming thoughts...it's really nice to have someone uplift your spirit during this lonely moments...
melbourne eh? i've never been there..visited sydney and canberra few years ago though..loved it :)
Hi mekurukito!
Hmmm I can say that Melbourne is peaceful and quiet and it is considered the most livable city in the world. I have been to Sydney last week and I can say that it is a beautiful city but I prefer living here in Melbourne. Hope you can come and visit the place one day.
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